Amanda, Please! The Cuffing Season-Turkey Drop Paradox

Ah, November. Temperatures are lowering, Thanksgiving is approaching and autumn-colored leaves are crunching on the ground. It’s a fall-lover’s paradise.

This year, however, I’ve noticed that things seem a little…different. Could it be the fact that we have a low of eight degrees one day, and a high of 66 the next? No, that’s just Utah. Maybe it’s the wide acceptance that 12:01 a.m. on Nov. 1 means it’s Christmas. Nah, that’s just fanatics. 

What could it be? What’s in this crisp fall air that makes me feel so unsettled?

Six words: The Cuffing Season–Turkey Drop Paradox. It’s the combination of two very real terms, I’ve just combined them into one. (Editor’s note: I own all rights to this phrase. Please and thank you.) 

Have I lost you? What exactly is this newly-patented term? Let’s break it down. 

According to Urban Dictionary (a very reputable source), Cuffing Season is “During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves…desiring to be ‘Cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship.”

Feeling personally attacked? Yeah, me too. For most single people, Cuffing Season is a race to the finish line of luuurve. It’s all about having someone to snuggle up with when it’s cold outside, watch movies on a snow day and maybe even bring to Christmas dinner. I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty darn nice. 

Cuffing Season also means that by the end of those chilly, winter months, your relationship might not make the cut. You genuinely just wanted a buddy to go into hibernation with. It’s kinda cute, if you ask me. Also, a little messed up. 

Meanwhile, couples existing before Cuffing Season might experience the opposite effect. 

Known as the Turkey Drop, couples often find themselves wanting to break up right before Thanksgiving. In simple terms,“Typically, when Thanksgiving rolls around and everyone goes home for the holiday, someone gets dumped.” Thanks, Urban Dictionary! 

The root of the Turkey Drop is that people are afraid of dumping someone during the holidays. November? Probably meeting the family for the first time. December? Holiday parties and gifts. January? You have to kiss someone at midnight. But March? I don’t think anyone finds St.Patrick’s Day steamy. Couples are left with the option to stick it out for another four months, or end things abruptly.

So, what’s happening right now? The singles are losing their minds trying to find their one true cuddle buddy, and couples are either walking on eggshells to avoid conversations of Thanksgiving dinner, or watching “P.S. I Love You” while crying over a plate of holiday cookies. Either way, emotional issues are really blowing in this autumn wind right now. 

For some reason, I’ve never noticed this trend until this year. Within the span of a week, four people told me they had been broken up with. Four! Meanwhile, my best friend and I are speed dating, in hopes of getting cuffed. (With no luck, might I add.) 

What’s strange to me is that if I get cuffed in time, will it even matter? Can someone be both cuffed and turkey dropped? Perhaps Hallmark movies are full of lies, and the holidays are really just meant to be spent single. 

As nice as some snuggles by the fire sound, there does seem to be a lot of perks of a solo Thanksgiving and Christmas. No extra money spent on a gift that might not mean anything in a few months. No awkwardly introducing anyone to your grandma as “my winter boyfriend.” And no worrying if this relationship will last any longer than it needs to.  

At this point, you might be thinking, “Yeah, Amanda, I already knew that love is hopeless. Why’d you have to remind me?” 

I wish I had a hopeful message for all of you, I really do. All I can really say is good luck. Good luck to those fighting for a snuggle-dependent partner, and good luck to those already stocking up on ice cream and sad Christmas music. You’re fighting the good fight. 

If you or a loved one has experienced any of the tragedies listed above, know you’re not alone. The Cuffing Season-Turkey Drop Paradox is truly showing no mercy this holiday season.

 

Story by: Amanda Walton
life@suunews.net
Photo Courtesy of unsplash.com

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