Not “Unsettled”, Just Not Settling For You: “The Bachelor” Round-Up

Bachelor Week 7 Recap and Week 8 Predictions

Elevator music. The only slightly snazzy tunes that are supposed to make awkward sweaty rides with strangers, long lines at amusement parks and gas station bathroom experiences more enjoyable, but in reality, just annoy us while we wait for it to be over or dig around in our bags for headphones.

This term, “elevator music,” is also a perfect metaphor for this year’s bachelor, Arie Luyendyk Jr.  Oddly and only slightly intriguing while we wait to get the hell away!

Week seven of season 22 of ABC’s the Bachelor took place in Tuscany, Italy.

Let’s begin with Jacqueline. At the beginning of the episode, she says she can feel herself falling in love, but can’t decide if her feelings are for Luyendyk, or if she is in love with “love.”

Honestly Jacqueline, if a guy called my academic goals “an obstacle,” I wouldn’t take him home to meet my mom either.

In the end, Jacqueline decides to visit Luyendyk in his hotel room and confront him in person about her worries.  After chugging his wine and hyperventilating, Jacqueline says her biggest fear is finding the two of them in Scottsdale, married with regrets.

Luyendyk tells her if she regrets her decision to leave, she can come back to him. He then tells the camera that she (Jacqueline) is “unsettled” in her life. Well, news flash! She isn’t “unsettled”, just unwilling to settle for you!

Becca K. gets the first one-on-one date of the week. They walk through the streets of Tuscany, buy some delicious looking bread and kiss under an Italian sunset.  Commence rolling of the eyes.

In the end, Becca calls Luyendyk her “boyfriend”, he tells her he is falling for her, and she receives a rose.

Next, Lauren B. goes on the second one-on-one. This awkward pair also walk through the streets of Italy, not saying or doing much. Luyendyk says that Lauren and him have crazy chemistry, that she is just hard to read.  You say tomato … I say boring!

At the dinner portion of the date, Lauren tells Luyendyk she is scared of getting hurt again and that she has trouble connecting emotions with words.

Despite this, Lauren tells Luyendyk that she is falling in love with him.  Now this is where it gets weird.  I’m a woman, and therefore cannot speak for men, but since when have women said they love a man just for the man to have to take a lap?

Anyway, Luyendyk, saying nothing, walks away to go stand in the middle of a grouping of cypress trees just to come back later.  Lauren basically asks “what the Hell?,” and Luyendyk says he had to compose himself because he has fallen deeply for her as well.  Whatever…

All that needs to be known about Sienne’s date is that, unlike when Lauren says she is unable to express herself and gets rewarded for it, when Sienne says that same thing it is taken as a sign and gets sent home.

Now time for this week’s three-on-one.  Because Jacqueline excused herself earlier, there are two roses for the taking.  Let’s face it, Tia and Kendall are not long for this show, but they aren’t 22 years old, and thus they receive roses.

In the end of this episode, we see Bekah M. crying in the back seat as she is being driven away, and hear Arie say that she made his experience on this show, “fun”.

Predictions for this next week are: a whole lot of drama, fun times at family tables and threats during the hometown dates.  Tia will not make it to week nine, and hopefully Arie is forced to articulate more than the same five sentences while talking with the lady’s families.

Now this might be premature, but I’m calling out Lauren B. as the winner of this season, and Kendall as our next Bachelorette.

Story by
Savannah Palmer for SUU News

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