Matthew’s Fancy François Sand-witch

So, you have a date, but you have no cooking skills. Don’t you worry! You could take your date to McDonald’s and buy them 2 Spicy McChickens; you could take them to Chik-Fil-A on campus and buy a Spicy Chicken Meal for them; you could buy them the “4 For $4” from Wendy’s. But, wait, you want to do something actually impressive! You want to guarantee that second date, is that it? My goodness, do we have some tenacity here! I have a simple recipe that can make any date 200 percent better, guaranteed. It might make you have to do a silly thing like spend around $15 at the store for ingredients that you can use to make it look like you eat food aside from ramen and frozen burritos. You also might actually use your stove-top for something besides cooking spaghetti, but it is guaranteed that you will improve your standing with the person of your dreams!

Ingredients:

One loaf of French bread

Guacamole

Sliced sharp cheddar cheese

Sliced sandwich meat

One can of olives

Salt and pepper

Iceberg lettuce

About six slices of bacon

One large tomato

Directions:

1. Slice open the French bread with a horizontal split as if you are a Subway employee, avoiding cutting all the way through the long way.
2. Spread the guacamole on like butter, cut up the tomato into as thick slices as you’d like, and slap the tomato on.
3. Place the cheese slices on with finesse, and stack up the sandwich meat like FAFSA money.
4. Start the bacon frying, and cut up canned olives to put on the sandwich.
5. Put it all together, and what have you got? A sandwich! Finish it off by sprinkling salt and pepper as wanted.
6. If you want to be extra fancy, cut the sandwich up into pieces and put toothpicks through them.
7. To wrap things up, wrap the sandwich up in plastic wrap. You can transport it in the bag you got the french bread in, unless you are too bourgeois for that.

This sandwich goes great with lemonade and some sort of dessert. Bring it all on a picnic (don’t forget the picnic blanket) and you will be known as the romantic of the century.

Matthew House for SUU News