Roundup of NFL’s Wacky Week 2

In the first two weeks of the NFL season a player retired at half-time. Kickers collectively forgot how to do their jobs. Ryan Fitzpatrick out-dueled Drew Brees and Super-bowl champ Nick Foles. Go Harvard.

It’s also the time of year where sports gas-bags begin their gas-baggery in full. All of a sudden the Dolphins have a shot at the playoffs, the Steelers are cooked and Pat Mahomes is a Hall of Famer. Let’s talk a gander at some of the storylines thus far.

Bills cornerback Vontae Davis retires at half-time:

The Bills are so bad that the 11-year veteran quit MID-GAME. The team went into the half down 28-6 to the San Diego, er, Los Angeles Chargers and Davis was so fed up with his team’s ineptitude that he reportedly put on his street clothes and bounced.

So many wrinkles to dissect here. I want to be a fly on the wall watching Buffalo’s coach Sean McDermott listen to Davis tell him he was done. Do you think McDermott looked into his eyes with a sad understanding? Or did he just shrug it off and say, “Eh, who can blame you? Safe travels!” McDermott didn’t want to comment about it after the game.

Davis released a statement on Twitter Sunday after the game. After reading the statement, it is really easy to see where he is coming from. “I wondered: Do I want to keep sacrificing?” Davis said in his statement. I wouldn’t want to keep sacrificing my body to play for the worst team in the league and for an organization that is more famous for tailgating than being good at football.

Who would want to walk away from the game limping or battling with CTE? That’s the ultimate reason why Davis walked away. Either way it’s the equivalent of failing the midterm and then just never going to class again.

Ryan Fitzpatrick is better than Jameis Winston.

And he doesn’t even grope uber drivers! The Bearded Buc has thrown for 819 yards, eight touchdowns and rushed for another touchdown. That’s the most yards in the league and second most in touchdowns.

Fitzpatrick destroyed the Saints and Eagles of all teams. It’s not like he was beating up on the Vontae Davis-less Bills.

The Bucs have a ton of weapons on the outside with Mike Evans and DeSean Jackson. Fitzpatrick has been taking advantage of them. He’s playing better than Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady behind and the MVP is his to lose.

Nah, just kidding. Fitzpatrick will have a bad game or six like he has done his whole thirty-seven year career and the Bucs will finish 6-10. Hopefully they cut Jameis before then.

Florida is undefeated. Yes, even the Dolphins.

Tampa Bay, Jacksonville and Miami are all 2-0. We’ve already discussed the absolute dominance of the Bucs, but the Jaguars absolutely outplayed the Patriots on Sunday. Perennial disappointment Blake Bortles threw four TDs. The defense held Tom Brady to 234 yards, and just generally took care of business on Sunday.

The Dolphins? They edged out the Titans 27-20 after a long rain delay in Week One, and strong armed the Jets 20-12 on Sunday. They play the Jon Gruden led Raiders in Week Three, so there’s a pretty good chance that they’ll be 3-0 heading into their matchup with the Patriots in Foxboro.

That means there will be at least fifteen former linebackers on TV yelling about how Ryan Tannehill is a competitor and that Kenyan Drake is an elite running back. Then they’ll go 8-8 like they always do and they’ll miss the playoffs by one game. Don’t fall in the vat of conclusions.

Kickers forgot how to kick.

Browns kicker missed two field goals and two extra points in a 21-18 loss to the Saints. Oof that hurts. Especially since the Saints’ kicker Wil Lutz made a 44-yarder with 21 seconds left. The Browns should have won by a touchdown, but instead found a way to lose, because they’re the Browns.

The Packers and Vikings tied 29-29 after Viking rookie Daniel Carlson missed three field goals including the game winner from 35-yards BETWEEN THE HASHES. Packers kicker Mason Crosby missed a 52 yard attempt in OT as well. Carlson was unceremoniously cut by the Vikes and when Head Coach Mike Zimmer was asked about why Carlson was cut responded, “Did you see the game?”

There were 10 missed field goals and seven missed extra points. What the heck? Someone must have put a hex on the NFL. Maybe it was because of all the smoke from burnt Nike socks in the stadiums.

Maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick should kick field goals.


Story by: Connor Sanders
Photo by: Photo by Adrian Curiel on Unsplash